I am not depressed but i have never enjoyed life and always wanted to die?

i am 36 never had a girlfriend because i am ugly and i am confident. People say confidence is important but that is a total farce, it is about how people look these days. i have a job and live on my own and have friends but i just want to die. there is no way i am going to the doctors for tablets or counselling because it wont help. i have never ever been happy or enjoyed life and just want it to end but i am not going to kill myself. i don't know what the hell to do anymore and don't say that i will find a girlfriend because from the age of 13 until now no girl has ever been interested in me. has anyone else been in a similar position to myself because it has tortured me emotionally since i was a kid and it has never got better.